Anxiously Forward


I really didn’t do anything today and I’m kind of alright with that. It was relatively a nice day out and I stayed inside most of the time to just take a break from everything. There were some plans to get some work done on the house and the Sentra but after looking over my feelings, my anxiety steered me away from being productive.

With the Sentra I just need to change the oil but since it is late fall and there is no snow on the ground it didn’t feel right to be under a warm engine in the mud. I want to have that ice and snow under me with the warmth of the engine above me and the hot dirty oil on my hands. It just holds in the memory of previous winter oil changes and with the forecasts it appears that I will have that day come along soon enough.

As for the house I have a couple new windows to install and today would have been the best day to install them. However my anxiety talked me out of taking on this project as I have never done one before and if I didn’t get it in just right then I would be left something I couldn’t really adjust until it got warmer again. I could not risk the change in the short time period I had to work on this and so the windows will remain the same and the new ones will wait in their plastic wraps.

The next couple days are going to be long ones and so I won’t have much time between them to do much more around the house but I want to get things cleaned up fore the holidays come around again. The usual chores of paying bills and filing paperwork will no doubt take a little of my time but once I consciously make the decision to do some major cleaning, I know my anxiety will start screaming at me to stop what I am doing and try to bribe me with relaxing in bed with a video game. It will just be a matter of willpower and hopefully I will have enough to succeed.

Then again, I could just sulk. That always makes time stand still and then I would have more time to get what I need to do later … ;P

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