I should have been asleep about four hours ago. I have been neglecting the process to work on thoughts whether that means working them out or trying to not deal with them altogether. My level of responsibilities and resulting conflicts of interactions have put me in a weekly schedule of mentally burning the night out.
More or less I am trying to find a thought that relaxes me to the point where I can get some sleep and yet I have prevented myself from doing this as well by picking up the phone and playing games. A self-destructive behavior leading to an eventual crash from exhaustion is what I expect will happen. I can already feel my body revolting at my mind’s attempt to stay awake just a little longer.
There is just too much going on right now for me to just switch back and forth into just one mode of life or task. I have been getting business calls and it’s been hard for me to find the right mental state to go do the work after having been in a different environment with my contract position. On top of that I am always and constantly trying to manage and mitigate the affairs of another person in my life as well as manage schedules for what little events I have in between dates.
This doesn’t just mean I’m not getting customers taken care of but also I’m not able to get to the internal paperwork related to the business and my personal transactions. It’s a period in my life where the mountain of responsibility suddenly grew and then someone built a ski lodge on top.
But don’t think you can help me on this. You can offer but you can’t help.
The reason for this is that everything that is making my weeks crash down on me for one night at the end of each one consists of deep introspective thoughts and hard to explain data. I would have to stop, teach you everything, and then see if I have to reteach any of it before going on and all of that just isn’t worth the added frustration for me.
However, all of the stuff I would like help with is already being done. People have taken it upon themselves to find the solutions to tasks I did not want to do. Again, I’m being vague and I’m sorry. Part of that is because I’m overly tired and partly because some people don’t need to know everything that is going on at this moment.
So, now that I’ve wasted your time, my time, and really not accomplished anything more, I’m going to get some sleep. Later, when I have had time to rethink my day, I will be on my way and silently figure out another confusing thing to share with you.