Mind Scramble


Over the course of the last few weeks, the company that I have been contracted to has been in a panic to get all of their systems upgraded and because of that panic and imposed stress, I have neglected to keep up with my important medications. A small casualty of dealing with expectations that are impose on me and my general acceptance that this too will pass.

Being without one medication has unknown effects as it pertains directly to the reduction of the tumor on my pituitary gland. I have been taking the medication long enough that there should be very little, if any, material of the tumor remaining. Although, since I have the medication available I really need to keep up with it until they say I can stop. That would be one less cost issue I would need to worry about.

The other medication tries to correct for the damage done to my body from the tumor growing in my skull. It’s a hormone replacement that, if I want to be more like other guys, will have to take for the rest of my life. *sigh* When I started taking it, and now that I have stopped, I notice the one big difference it makes in my life and that is my ability to think clearly.

Without the added hormone I am a bit of a scatter-brain and have a harder time working through decisions. With it, I tend to power through my time with some semblance of clarity. The biggest thing I notice is that my inner monologue is on more when I don’t have the brain working correctly, becoming a little bit more of a distraction. I have to write more things down and some tasks are harder because I get stuck on a thought and can’t let it go.

An observation from this lack of concentration though is that I find myself thinking in my voice at the same speed at which I talk out loud and I find it odd that we process information sometime in a fraction of a second and yet we can only process language at a speed by which we physically produce it.

And, it’s in English. You would think by now I would have come up with my own code to think to myself in that was more efficient.

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