A Failure of Logic

Things are getting better for my mental state as I let go of the pain from losing Angela and try to work on personal and business projects. As this happens, I can clearly see where I am and what I really should do to get ahead but knowing what to do and actually doing that are two wholly different projects that could be detrimental to my success.

What am I doing now that is so wrong?
Well, I have medical issues that require some hefty insurance to get me on track and I don’t have a job that can pay for that kind of luxury. I should be doing everything possible to make me as healthy as possible to maximize my income and use that to set myself up for a future I don’t have to struggle in. I have a ton of stuff that just sits around and doesn’t really serve much purpose. I have skills that could really be utilized better in the market but there are no jobs in this state that can take advantage of them.

What should I do to fix this?
And that I actually have the answer for. I should apply for a job that uses my skills better and move to the state that the job is in. I should sell everything I own except a few personal and antique items that I can easily transport. Sell the house, the trucks, and most of my cars for the best price possible and use the money to move and get setup and when the job is paying my way, I can drop the extra into the debts I have and clear them out.

Why am I not doing this?
Because I have an unhealthy attachment to things and I like where I am at. I have done so much moving that I don’t want to do it again. And also because I don’t want to be any further from my family than I already am. I can handle the lonely part because I’ve gone a year almost with just me and the cat 90% of the time plus I always have people just a phone call or an internet connection away. But really comes down to they fact that I am both too scared to do it. I know it’s totally backwards to be where I am in life and not willing to act in a way to improve it but I just don’t want to lose anything more. Plus I would have to put my cat to sleep and I don’t want to go there either.

So what then?
I’ll continue to work on the business and get that going more and more. I’m just at the beginning of it really even though I have been doing the work for many years now. I am going through things and getting rid of stuff but at a pace that I can handle. If I don’t see things going better for me in another year then I’ll take a serious look at finding a better solution but the job market will have to change significantly in South Dakota before I could consider staying here. People don’t always handle change very well and I can understand why.

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