Burnout


Every night I sit at the laptop playing a space game just so I have something to do. There isn’t any way to “win” at the game, it’s a never ending fight to gather resources, destroy enemies, build your base, repair the damage, and repeat. I enjoy it because there is some chat time with people I’ll never meet and because it doesn’t require me to spend any more money than what it costs to have the internet connection.

What I should actually be doing is reading about some tech stuff or working on marketing materials for promoting my company but again and again I find myself just trying to burnout. I stay up until I can’t keep my eyes open one more second and then settle into bed and go to sleep. Only to wake up and try to figure out what to do next.

And even though I help people a lot get their computers going or get things cleaned up in the house, I never feel like I have accomplished anything. The sense of satisfaction just isn’t present and I want to do *something* that will make me happy but I’m not sure that I’m going to get that back for a long time. I often think to myself about the changes and improvements I want to make to this house and then I think about how limited I am with the resources to get there and then I sit down and just play on the computer. I don’t dream like I used to. The need to create is there but it’s just too painful to pull out and open up even to myself.

This post was supposed to be about stuff I wanted to make so I’ll stop being so glum and put forth some ideas.

I would like to build a great wood four-post bed with a fabric top and curtains. I like the idea of something robust and solid yet still have elements that make it easy to move and take apart by hiding little touches in the woodwork to throw people off. Drawers underneath for added storage and some built-in lighting for when it is needed.

I want to fill my office area with shelves and a window seat. Some of the storage spots will consist of false blanks to hide important stuff and there will be a special pet cubby hole for when I have furry visitors or when I get another dog.

Most of all I just want to be more successful than I am now. I have a lot really in friends and family but I would like to either make my business grow just a wee bit bigger or have someone make me a business offer I couldn’t refuse because what little I play the lottery is not paying off by any means. Lots of work. Lots of time. I’m confident that I’ll get there but for now I’m going to pick up the phone and watch videos until I burn out.

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