The Blue Void


Friday I spent the day at home just trying to find something to keep my mind busy. I am stuck on a few business projects and had to break away from them in order to shake loose a sense of progress. This means I have to force myself to try and not work but if I don’t work, I feel as if I haven’t gotten anything done …

A little of my energy is being spent on just thinking about what I should do next. I sit alone in the house trying to work out what needs to be done and then try to hone that down to what can be done. I need to clean. This is the primary ongoing need that I have because I am either constantly finding stuff that I no longer need and I am constantly creating new messes.

Eventually I did get around to cleaning up a mess in my bedroom and in the shuffle I managed to find something that I had lost. Something that I had been looking for off and on for a couple months now. With great discovery comes a little disappointment in a reminder of some of my mental issues. A collection of journals, most of them barely used if at all, that I have growing on my shelves in such a way that I equate it to the movie Conspiracy Theory and the book the Catcher in the Rye. I can’t help myself sometimes from buying the darn things and then they just sit on a shelf.

I suppose I will get around to writing again in them but I don’t know when. One journal is specifically for ideas and I haven’t had a lot of unique ideas lately. Another is devoted to only things about Angela and it has been too difficult to write down anything without breaking down into tears randomly. The others are for chronicles of my life much like this blog and lastly I have one for my spiritual learning and work. They all comprise the writing ideas that make up my mind and someday I’m sure someone will read it all and then delete everything to keep others safe.

Saturday I went into the pantry and cleaned up the tools and work materials from tearing up the walls and replacing the door. Got most of the wood picked up outside and moved a number of other logs to the waste drop off point. I had already finished the pantry exterior for the year by putting on Tyvek and sealing it up. Next spring I will put up new siding and getting the house primed for painting. (Hopefully)

It was warm out so I had to do one last thing that would make my clean-up process complete. I moved the electric range out of the house and dropped it at the curb. It had been just sitting, unused, for about seven years and because of the mouse problems I had last season, they tore out all of the insulation for nests. I finally got the kitchen arranged so that I can get around in it better because of this. I can still do the same cooking I always could as the bachelor life has not required me to move past the microwave much.

Sunday I went to the Daughters of the Nile craft fair at the El Riad Shrine to show my support at the very least. It was hard to be there because I usually attend these events with Angela but I managed. I also met some pretty neat people as well as a couple of people that I knew already. I had to treat myself to some Cracker Barrel food and then meander back home.

The last of my cleaning efforts was to sweep up and haul out the garbage then put away some of the dry goods from the apartment that have been in boxes. The kitchen is completely different now and way more open but still strange so it will take a while to get used to. The only thing to do now is to wait for the dumpster to get emptied so I can finish clearing debris from the basement and back yard.

Lots of work done and lots more to come.

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