Every time I sit down to write now, I get completely confused. It’s really frustrating and I try really really hard to overcome the feelings and I think that I have it figured out but then it turns out I can’t do anything about it right now. My head is swimming, heavy, dizzy, and it’s really hard to things. I’ve mentioned this before but it’s happening more and more often and I don’t know how much more I can fight this battle. If I can make it to August 1st then I might have a chance at getting out of this but that means dealing with these spells while trying to learn a new set of skills at the same time.

The fix? Testosterone Replacement Therapy is a good start. Not only will it help me with concentration but it will also help reverse my weight gains to bring about a healthier overall me. The only way to get there is to push on and get to that date so I can go to the doctor and get the treatments I need. Without it, I’m going to lose big and I’m sad enough as it is although I don’t really show any signs of being that way. It’s more of how my inner monologue goes.

Yeah, exercise and eating right are always on the table and I really don’t mind walking and biking but it’s not the cure all either. I’ve been sitting here for three hours trying to feel better, trying to just relax, but I can’t shake myself loose. I don’t know where else to go with this.

Now please understand, I don’t expect anyone I know to have the answers to this. I’m working it out on my own and I am making some progress and I’m writing this out because it helps get it out of my head so I can think about other things. I have to let it either burn up my mind or burn out online. How quaint.

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