Just a little disclaimer, do not do what I describe here. This stuff is all theoretical and should not be put into actual use or function. If you use anything I write here, you are a complete idiot.

You can put a cue ball in your mouth but you cannot remove it without professional help.

If you blow helium into your anus, you will squeak when you fart.

Wal-Mart has so many items in stock that you can build a bomb in your shopping cart. (Car batteries, propane canisters, nails, wire, thermostats, Justin Bieber DVDs, you get the idea.)

Shampoo added to your gas tank makes the engine run cleaner.

Holding your phone upside-down increases signal strength as the bars don’t have to work against gravity.

Lightbulbs last longer if you wash them at least once a week.

You can reduce back problems in your dog by licking his balls for him.

Reductions in global warming can be made by leaving the refridgerator door open at night. It also helps you find the kitchen in the night as it lets the light out too.

Washing your bedding with a cup of iron salts will help the bed bugs find their way to your skin better.

Using a strobe light while you sleep will increase your productivity at work.

Baby poop makes excellent sun block.

Ask your escort service about their coupon and discount programs.

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One Response to Not

  1. Paul Dimick says:

    you have some great thoughts here

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