Dark Blue Velvet Walls

If you have read everything that I have ever written, you are no doubt either devoted or deranged. It’s a lot of talk and some random thoughts played out in electronic media, stored somewhere and nowhere at the same instant. So this shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m going to rambling on again. In reality I don’t think I have a whole lot of readership and never get any direct comments so for the most part I can call this “therapy” as an electronic diary. Good thing I’m not running for public office.

Well the plan has changed again and I’m dealing with all of the new stuff with the intial blast of some dizziness and a headache. I was sure I could get back into a job with some more pay and larger responsibility but I’m afraid I’m just not seeing myself making it that world anymore. I have to accept that I need to scale back and figure out how to get by for the rest of my life with less. I’ve fought and kicked and even screamed for a better life but it’s just not going to happen and I guess I’ll put my dreams in a basket. It’s depressing and it really sucks but it hasn’t worked out so far and so I have to accept.

My head is swimming right now and I’m in between three points of interest. Today I submitted my paperwork to work as a contractor for an IT contractor and now I need to complete a bunch of online training to start the job and work through to some solid income. Otherwise I’m waiting on one job that pays more and I’m going to an interview tomorrow for something unknown. I’m going to go with the current job unless there is something unbeleivably better offerred.

I’m waiting on a check to pay some very important bills and then I want my income to pay off some other long-term debts. By spring I want to but another pickup to use in my rebuild and I’m looking to actually getting the house painted. After that I just want to be happy and carry that all the way into the end. Until then I will again suffer the problems with my life and see what happens.

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