Not Enough Postage


I know it’s been a while since I last wrote and I’m really sorry but there have been so many things going wrong in my life that correcting or at least trying to correct them has taken up all my time. I’ve missed you so much and in this last year I’ve thought a lot about you and wanting to write or call but could never get past the issues and my anxiety to do so. If things were different I would love it to even just drive out and see you so that you could drive me around and show me your new surroundings so we could talk about the present, the past, and speculate about the future.

I see from online exposures that your life has changed and grown and I find all of it fascinating. I wish my trials in life were from having a family but alas I don’t see that happening with me no matter how I dream for it to happen that way. You still have that radiance from when we first met and time has brought you forward without harming your beauty from the pictures I’ve been able to see of you recently. I feign my gray more than others do and I can understand if you have it and mask it because it expresses an unwanted time in your life that is going to open up more in the future. Take your time and enjoy things as you have them because one day they might go away and even the memories won’t encompass all of what was there to enjoy.

Although I am happy for you I don’t mean to sound so down about things. It’s just been hard for me to deal with the medical, money, and work issues that I have had to deal with and even though I try to keep an upbeat look upon life the days are so long and make it difficult to keep the smiles going. I guess what makes it hardest is when your friends and family don’t understand why you can’t even work or do work at another place. I guess it’s a stepping stone that they’ve never had a problem crossing and cannot see that it’s been too slippery for me to even attempt to stand on. I’m not going to go into the gory details of it but when you can’t see clearly and your eyes hurt from moving and you can’t focus or understand half the time what you are doing, it really makes it hard to do anything much less trying to find a job that will let me sit and do nothing while I try to find a moment where I can do something. No one gets it quite like you do and I thank you for that understanding. It’s great to have a friend like you.

There isn’t enough free time in the universe for us to just sit and talk about the time that we’ve missed. You make me feel so much more at peace when we get together because I respect you and find you so fascinating as you are so different from myself. I get lost in the conversations and time dissapears and then before we know it the sun has passed by and the moon has come out to shine upon us. The cool night was when we used to talk the most, the time when we walked in the night among the houses and trees of that one town so long ago. It’s a memory forever locked in my mind and when I look to find some peace in the chaos, I look to that night and breathe in the cool of the surround.

The biggest conflict in my life that I know is the easiest thing to talk to you about is how my view of religion affects me so much in daily life. With us, it’s not an issues and I don’t feel the need to hide my thoughts but with other people I know, it’s a point of contention that I hold onto just in case they want to talk about their beliefs and assume that I believe in just the same things. The trouble is people assume everyone has the same belief system as they do and when they find out one person is different, then they start down a path of dissent in order to either stay away from that person or condemn them for having their own thoughts that are not under the regulation of some church. I’m glad that isn’t part of our friendship and that gives me another reason to enjoy my time with you.

I apologize for bringing up the discord in my life in this letter. The bright points are are to find and I guess I should concentrate on them more. I enjoy being at home and spending time with the pets. I get to go on long walks and do yard work when weather and mosquitoes permit. There is some work that I do that is on my own terms so I don’t have any conflicts with an employer and it helps pass the time. I spend time with Angie, playing games or watching movies while I give her rides to and from work. I find chocolate, blueberries, and cherries to be my top favorite foods and I eat them whenever I get a chance!

Well, I will end it here and give you a chance to write me back. It doesn’t have to be much, just something to let me know how you are doing. Something has to turn around in my life and when it does I’ll let you know. Take care and be happy!

Love, Marc

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