Automated


When companies find that it’s too expensive to have people in India do the work of Americans, all phone inquiries will be fully automated. This new and cost saving measure will be globally accepted and no matter which company you do business with, the person on the other end of the phone will be a computer …

Computer (In an feminine voice.): Thank you for calling Government Student Loan Services Group. Please enter your thirty-five digit account number followed by # after the tone. <DING>

Caller: 32185641312486311466548753342456648#

Computer:
I’m sorry but we are unable to locate your account. Please re-enter your thirty-five digit account number followed by # after the tone. Did you know that we have an excellent customer service website online. The website is located on page six of your statement packet. <DING>

Caller:
32185641312486311466548753342456698#

Computer:
Thank you Mr. Glasgow. Your account is (male voice) twenty-two days (female voice) past due. Please say YES to authorize a payment of four hundred and three dollars from your checking account on file.

Caller:
I want to speak with a person.

Computer:
Sorry, that was not a correct answer. Please say YES to authorize a payment of four hundred and three dollars
from your checking account on file.

Caller:
No.

Computer:
Sorry, that was not a correct answer. Please say YES to
authorize a payment of four hundred and three dollars
from your checking account on file.

Caller:
This is crap!

Computer:
Your tone is very displeasing. Maybe you need a break. You can call back at any time day or night and we will be happy to assist you.

Caller:
Go to Hell!

Computer:
Because of your overbearing tone we are going to disconnect this call. If there is a problem that this system cannot resolve, your call can be routed to an account services special needs consultant.

Caller:
Yes, that is what I want!

Computer:
Payment authorized. Your account is now current. Thank you. <CLICK>

No doubt the rates of heart attacks, suicides, and murders will go up but companies will become more profitable in the long run.

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