Creativity Block


I’m inundated with thoughts day in and day out, some of which are constructive, some are constantly in a state of debate, and others allow me to relax at the end of the day. For the most part though, I really need to get a bunch of my thoughts out of my head and onto some other media (such as this blog) so they aren’t restricting me from getting not only my work done but also freeing me up for the creation of new things to ponder. So, from here on out it’s a rambling like so many of these posts are.

There is a thought of taking some classes towards an actual degree so not only could I succeed better at my job but also have something that will grant me a better future in climbing that corporate ladder. With the new job in SLC Claims I’m seriously looking at a degree of Business Administration in Finance with the direction towards a Financial Analyst. It’s not really what I had ever thought of doing at any time before now but I like collecting numbers and formulas and presenting data and it’s more useful to me than just being an artist.
My wallet is wrenched tight as I cope with my debts and bills. I’m not complaining but I must admit I’ve gotten myself into a really tight spot after screwing up a number of my financial conquests over the years. Much of this I can attribute to complications caused by the growing of the tumor in my head, pressing into my brain, generating countless hours of migraines plus the added conditions of sleep apnea and vitamin deficiencies. I have plans though to try and get some help so that I can eventually get a degree and do more with my life and it all comes down to putting a little time into writing some letters to some people. Even now, I’ve got the word processor up waiting for text to be placed into it’s white field but first I had to clean up my mind or suffer the affects of poor concentration and procrastination.
I need to earn my keep here at the apartment. I was asked to help clean up while the owner is away and I’ve not had the chance to get to it. After working I take a little time to meddle on Facebook and then I’m off to bed to get some sleep. Most of my day is trying to wrap my head around the new procedures I’m learning and that has been a bit of a trial. It’s one thing to learn a new process on your own and quite another when you have thirteen other people in the room all going nuts trying to attack a problem from different angles. So I’m mentally and physically exhausted right now but again with the thoughts. And the thoughts keep me awake even though I try to ignore them. I’m going to get the garbage cleaned up tonight before I go to bed … I have to do something helpful.
I need someone to help satisfy my physical needs and I’m not really looking for a path to commitment, just something aside from nothing. I’ve been living like a priest not because had some deep moral idea about marriage but because the tumor messed up my hormones and the physical needs weren’t just muted but actually erased for a long time. Now, well now some things are working like they should have worked some ten to fifteen years ago and now I’m longing for something more than sitting in front of the computer to look at exotic material. It’s become more and more frustrating because now I have these feelings but don’t really know anyone that knows anyone to hook up with and also I usually don’t have the time anyway to be doing anything in that realm. I’m playing with some matching sites but most appear to be looking for long term matches and I’m not ready for that, I need to explore.
Ah, the mind is feeling much better already. I can tell that there is less conflict and more space for me to work with on my bike car project and to figure out how to get music on my DSi. Found a converter to make MP3 files into AAC files but evidently there is some other setting I’m missing because the DSi still won’t read the files. I would love it if it would work because then I could listen to music while I worked and then I could turn around and play Bookworm while I was on break. Just got Bookworm this week from bonus points through work and it’s just like the online version with some added perks including online playability as well. It’s something to keep my mind sharp on vocabulary and help me get through the work day.
I found out this year that I’ll get a tax refund for the money I spent on the materials used in putting on my new roof. So when I get that money back, I’ll spend it on the remaining amount for the bill I’m paying for that roof. It’s a strange process but hey, that’s what we get for having such a great government system in this country. (I’m kidding M.D., don’t freak out man.)  Finally, when we get done freezing our asses off, I’m really looking at starting to put my truck back together as soon as I get the rear-end removed and the frame blasted and painted. Once I can get the replacement drive-train it I’ll be on the road in no time, driving 45 mph on I-90 with the windows down so I can hear people curse at me when they fly by. While I’m at it, I’ll get the foundation fixed on the house and paint that too. What a wonderful year it will be!
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